some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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