You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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