I think im going to throw up on grandma
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
