and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
