I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
