You just made me feel so damn special
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
