I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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