singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize