smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
