They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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