so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
