The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
