Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
