omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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