well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
