new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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