I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
