May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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