Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
