drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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