: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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