I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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