pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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