Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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