McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
