I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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