What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
