i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
