Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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