Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
