called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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