kristin has been a bad kristin
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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