Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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