I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
