At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
