Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
