peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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