apparently the secret to your success is patron
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
