I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
