Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
