Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
