The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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