Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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