Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
