Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
