I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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