i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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