No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
