my sisters under your porch take her home
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
