I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
