What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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