jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
