oh god the rape fog is back!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
