Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
