I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
