I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
