Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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