Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
