my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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