It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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