Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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