Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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