I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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