I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
