Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
