bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
