Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
