so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
