just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you didnt know i had herpes?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
