Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
