if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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