her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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