You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
