I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
