absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
