Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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