Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
