I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
