That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize